You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
