I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
