I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
