I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
