i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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