id be glad to
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
