im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
