That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
