ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
