Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
