I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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