Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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