If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You are the jesus of drinking
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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