I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
