Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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