I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
pray to the hookup gods
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
