On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
