Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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