Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
