I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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