don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
