how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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