Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
