wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
