What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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