It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
