How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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