Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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