but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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