So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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