Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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