I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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