I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
