Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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