You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
third nipple confirmed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
