I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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