The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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