I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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