Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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