i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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