the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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