"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
