Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
