I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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