I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
