Your favorite bartender is back from prision
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
