I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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