What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
