my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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