im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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