Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
