3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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