I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
