After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
