Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
