My friends, they love my intelligence
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
how drunk are you?
Several
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