I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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