Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
