A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
