dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
