Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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