I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
