my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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