Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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