if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
