Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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