It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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