What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
