just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
