She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
