forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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