I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize