I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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