Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
