I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Randomize
